Who Am I?
Calling myself "Violet" is taking on a life of it's own. I either want it to feel right or stop it before it gets out of hand.
In general, I'm a decisive person. I'm able to think through a problem, decide what needs to be done (if anything), do it (or not do it), and move on. So why am I having a difficult time deciding what my name is?
Maybe it's because I just entered a new phase of my life and I really don't know who I am right now.
I used to be Marguerite, Senior Information Technology Analyst and EDI Coordinator for Pharmacia. Now that job doesn't exist anymore. Pharmacia doesn't exist anymore. I am unemployed and have the unexpected and welcome opportunity to do something completely different with my life, as soon as I figure out what that is.
But today the question is much narrower. I need to decide what my name is going to be when I'm online.
Last spring when I signed up with my current ISP, I chose the email id "violet". Violets are my favorite flower and violet is my favorite color. Violet is not my name.
My mother likes to call people by their email id and she started calling me Violet. No problem. It was a fun thing to do.
Then I started Seasons of Violet. The name was a natural. The blog is about the natural seasons here on our five acres and about the seasons of my life as I move from one into the next.
Looking back, I can see that the identity problem started when I began to refer to myself as Violet on this blog. It seemed like a fun and harmless thing to do.
Readers started addressing me as Violet in email and comments. How amusing. In fact I briefly considered that it might be better to not have my real name on my blog. I changed my post ending to "// posted by Violet" and charged on with the new name.
It's not sitting right. There's just something about it that is bothering me and I'm not able to put my finger on what it is.
When I reply to a reader via email, I'm still signing the emails with Marguerite. That is inconsistent. I need to decide one way or the other.
Am I going to be Marguerite in real life and Violet online?
And there's the answer! When I'm online, it is the real me. It is Marguerite.
I'm not pretending to be anything that I'm not when I'm online. In fact, sometimes, like now, writing helps the real me emerge.
I'm going back to using Marguerite. It's my name. Please don't spell it with a Q.
Final note: I don't mind being addressed as Violet. I still consider it fun. But I'm not hiding my real name anymore and any correspondence from me will be signed by me, Marguerite. That's who I am.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Who Am I?
Posted by Marguerite at 3/07/2004 10:02:00 AM