Huddling under an umbrella, I went out with my camera this afternoon to try and catch the mood of the dark, drizzly, gloomy weather we have had for most of the week. The forecast for the next five days is for more of the same.

I've always thought I liked the four seasons and wouldn't want to live somewhere that didn't have them. Today I'm wondering if that is true.

Maybe I have preseason SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. According to the National Mental Health Association the symptoms include a craving for sugary and/or starchy foods. I've had five cookies today. That's five more cookies than I usually eat in a day and five more cookies than I can eat in a day and still maintain my weight loss.

The temperatures are mild for this time of year, in the 50s (10 to 12 C) during the day, and it hasn't been windy. It would be perfect leaf raking and leaf burning weather except it is too wet. So I sit inside doing things I love to do - reading, knitting, blogging, reading Yahoo groups - and feeling guilty because it's looking more and more like those leaves are going to be on the ground until spring. Again. Without the excuse that I have a job and there isn't time to rake them.

Which brings me to the introspective question: Will I ever get old enough and wise enough not to feel guilty about things that don't really matter like getting all the leaves up in the fall?

I have my own theories on why this time of year is depressing, at least for me. The reasons can easily be related back to the SAD model.

In the spring I have energy and big plans. The days are getting longer, the sun starts to warm the earth, and everything is fresh and green. I know that this is the year I will have a wonderful garden, redecorate my house, organize my life, and spend hours and hours doing all the things I love to do.

In the fall reality hits. The days are short, the air is cold, and everything is brown and gray. My energy has disappeared. I have to face the fact that somehow most of my plans didn't happen and now it's too late for this year.

On a more positive note, I have much to be thankful for. Onward to Thanksgiving - and then Christmas. The turkey is thawing in the refrigerator and I'm going to be making that wonderful Upjohn Pumpkin Torte.

Life is good. Now, where's the sun?