After the morning dog walk, I put the dogs back in the house and headed back out to the field for some wildflowers.
(The red day lily isn't a wildflower, but I wasn't trying to be pure.)
I've been thinking of doing this for years and haven't. Why? It was very pleasant except for the deer flies and now I have a pretty little arrangement to look at for a few days.
Lately I've been thinking about something that came up briefly during the trip to Idaho: I have difficulty knowing what I want and/or asking for it.
This is a family trait and can probably be blamed on our easy going, peace loving Swiss nature. Much of the time it makes us agreeable and easy to live with. Other times we are very frustrating to those who love us and would like to know our preference instead of hearing, "I don't care. Whatever you want is fine."
What I've been wondering is this: When I say "I don't care", audibly or by default, is it actually true that I don't care? Or, somewhere deep inside do I really care? Am I thinking that the people who love me should be mind readers? Am I trying to avoid responsibility for a bad outcome if what I ask for doesn't work out?
If I start asking for what I want, assuming I can determine what that is, will my family resent it?
Have I read too many psychology books?
Maybe I'm having an old age crisis because I didn't take time for a mid-life crisis.
Send me flowers. I love them. Not roses. I've never cared for roses.
There. That wasn't so difficult.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Posted by Marguerite at 7/07/2006 01:34:00 PM